Thursday, October 16, 2014

It's no ones fault but my own.

I mentioned yesterday in my random-filled post that I had a silly little meltdown over practically nothing. I think it was just a ton of little things that had piled up in my brain and when Caleb and I started talking about something I didn't want to talk about I just. blew. up. I'm talking, ugly cry, knees-bent, hands-in-face cry right there on the bathroom floor.

If that sounds like I just described a 4 year old, then you'd probably be right...except it was me. Even though I was being extremely ridiculous, Caleb let me cry (because lets be real, sometimes a girl just needs to vent and let it all out for whatever reason). Not only did he let me cry, he held me, gave me the perfect little pep talk (which was exactly what I needed to hear), and completely shifted my perspective on my day-to-day routine. He said "maybe you should change your attitude"... and while my first reaction was to be upset and yell at him for the comment, I thought for a second first, and realized he was right. I needed to shift my perspective. I heard God saying to me... listen Kayla, be thankful for what you have. The busy stuff is a blessing, too, even when you don't feel that way.

The ultimate root of my silly meltdown? I'm almost positive its that I don't give myself enough 'me time' to enjoy things that I love on my own...usually when I get in a night to myself? I'm spending it eating a cheap dinner, and editing photos for 4 hours at a time. Don't get me wrong, I love a quick drive thru meal and editing beautiful photos...but that still includes doing something for someone else, and I need to figure out a better schedule to keep my stress levels lower.

I think as women (or anyone with a family and/or a job that you care about), sometimes we do our best to make sure everything is done for everyone else, making sure your family is happy, your home is clean, and a good dinner was prepared for your husband. While that's all very true to some of us and those are all good things, its good to be a little selfish sometimes and say forget it. The laundry can wait, the editing can wait, and you can order take out for yourself....and sometimes? A bubble bath is in order.

I found myself emailing a few friends about how stressed I've been, will be, etc. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my day to day life. I keep saying "I can't wait to find time to finish that book", or "maybe tonight I can squeeze in a phone call with my friends?", when I ultimately know none of those things would get done. Then I face the realization that its NO ONE'S FAULT but my OWN for not making time for myself a priority. Sure, I'm extremely busy most of the time...rushing from an office job, to Starbucks to meet with a bride, to back home to edit, workout, and make dinner... but you know what? I think its silly sometimes, rushing around like that. Everyone needs time for themselves. I truly believe that taking time to do things that you love makes you want to be better in every aspect of life.

After my 20 minute bubble bath last night (thanks Er, for the amazing Disney princess version!!), I felt happy. Not that I don't normally feel happy on other evenings, but I think I was proud of myself...for finally MAKING the time.

Oh, and another random thing? I'm sick of the fact that I'm not a morning person...I've always wanted to be that girl who wakes up in PLENTY of time to write a blog post, make hot chocolate, go for a run and maybe even pack her own lunch ALL before her 8am commute. I can't even fathom that kind of morning routine...but I'm determined to get there soon. No one is stopping me, but myself.

So ladies? I dare you to take a bubble bath tonight...finish that book, write in your journal, spend extra time doing something you love, and watch the difference in yourself unfold.


  1. This is funny to me, because if I had a choice of something to do just for me, I would never choose a bubble bath in a million years! Haha. Editing pictures takes soooo much time! It's crazy. I'm glad you found something to do just for you. Even if it was a bath ;)

    1. I am not a bath person either. Give me my comfy clothes, a good book, and a quiet corner, and I'm one happy lady!

  2. You absolutely deserve that bubble bath, princess bubbles and all! I'm really bad about making time for myself... Like really really bad. Thank you for writing this because it reminded me the importance of taking care of myself. (PS- I'm definitely NOT one of those gals who can conquer the world before their commute to work. How do they do it?!)

  3. I know that if I wake up before C and get a couple things done or heck, even just pee solo, my day always starts off so much easier. But the idea of setting an alarm and getting up at 6AM isn't something I'm ready to do just yet.

    Take some time for you. If you put a little more time, effort and energy into yourself, everything else around you will feel the benefits.

  4. I feel like I needed this so badly. I find myself running and running for work, when I get home it's laundry and cooking and cleaning, and even on weekends, it's all about everyone else. I'm totally taking this afternoon to just relax!! Thanks for sharing the nitty gritty moments of life; it definitely helps to motivate me and help me reassess my situations!!

  5. I have never been a morning routine person ever although I'm envious of the girls who are. I barely have enough time to grab my breakfast before I'm running out the door. You're right though, if I really want it, I'll make it happen.

  6. Treat Yo Self! So glad you got in some treat in' yo self time. Cheers to much more Kayla time!

  7. I feel like right now with Peter being away and living with Sarah and Ryan, I'm getting A LOT of me time. Sometimes I feel lazy or unproductive by just doing whatever I want but then I remember that someday it won't be like this and I should take advantage! I'm glad you're penciling yourself in more - it really does make a huge difference. It is really easy to put everyone before yourself but it's important to remember that you'll be better to them, if you're first better to yourself!
    I was reading an article just the other day about morning people. They are more productive but it does take awhile to get yourself into it. I decided I'm really going to TRY next week to at least get up, get dressed, read/watch the news and have at least 10 minutes to just sit and relax in the morning. Instead of getting dressed, making my lunch and then leaving! We got this!! :)

  8. Amen, girl! You do need to set aside some time for yourself. Even if it's just an hour each day, you need to do it or you will go insane! I always feel guilty doing it because I already took an hour reading blogs that day, but you have to focus on YOU! Also, I could never be a morning person like that. That sounds wonderful in theory, but it's horrific in practice. That's just not me. I'm the stay-up-until-one, wake-up-at-eight kind of girl and I've finally accepted that. Great choice of bubble bath, by the way.

  9. I SO hear this. I'm always doing something, planning the next thing, or running to something else. I like being busy and feeling useful and needed, but damn it if it isn't just too much at a certain point. Good for you for taking that bath and making time for yourself! I'm going on a yoga retreat in a few days and am determined to leave my phone off and ignore emails the whole time, so hopefully I'll have the same effect :)

  10. I have just given up on being the morning person! I'd love to get up and run in the AM and be all productive... nope - if my alarm goes off before 7:00, I just end up snoozing until 7. On one hand, I hate that it's still dark now at 7:00, but on the other hand, it makes Beckett sleep until 7-7:30 most days, so I'm thankful for that!!!! We definitely have to get some black out shades for his room because he gets up with the sun and in the summer that's 5:30-6:00! I'm glad you were able to get some me time last night, though!

  11. This hits so close to home, Kayla! I've felt on the verge of a bathroom floor breakdown for weeks now because life just will not stop long enough for me to feel like I have everything under control. Ben tells me the same thing Caleb told you and they're so right. I'm glad you made some time for yourself! This weekend I spent some time working on my blog even though I should have been working on other things. I did it because I wanted to and you know what? The world didn't come crashing down!

  12. I can totally relate to this post. We were driving to Kroger to get groceries last Sunday and I had that breakdown in the car. Crocodile tears, hyperventilating, and just plain lost it. Sometimes we just need to let it all out.

    I am glad that you found some time for yourself. Women always seem to want to do things for others and forget about themselves.

    Hope things get better!!

  13. Oh girl, I hear ya loud and clear! I have 4-year old breakdowns on a weekly basis!! I never feel like I ever complete anything....just running in crazy town circles and it's super hard for me to get quality Shanna time. Sometimes, I just close myself off in the bathroom and take that bubble bath like you did...that lasts about 10 minutes before I hear someone screaming MOOOOOOOOM! Hang in there lady, we are not super heroes. Do what you can, when you can and enjoy life! At least try! :) xoxo


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