Underwhelmed schedule.

It's no secret that Caleb and I, for the majority of our marriage, have been pretty busy people. With each of us juggling full time day jobs, a photography business, church commitments and a young adult ministry, it's a lot! That's not even to mention keeping our marriage and social calendar alive! A lot of that had to do with the fact that we knew it was temporary, which is key. We knew that in order to get out of debt quickly (within a few years), we'd have to hustle - work hard - take on a LOT of jobs. While this was true, we also didn't realize what a toll it would take on us. I knew it was getting bad when before anyone would ask us to commit to something (even a social event) they'd preface the sentence with "now I KNOW how busy you guys are, but...", and that broke my heart.

Last year is when we knew it was time to make a change. As I mentioned before, we started our own photography business, and that gave us a little more freedom to run our own schedules. I decided for my own mental health/sanity that it was necessary to only allow ourselves X amount of projects a month, no matter how much money we may lose out on.

We also decided to say no to some church commitments here and there. As much as we hated to say no when it came to volunteering, I realized that it didn't make us bad people. No one expects anyone to say yes to everything, so why was I setting this unrealistic expectation for us that we HAD to?! What was so freeing is when we actually began to politely decline, people surprised us with answers like "that's totally fine!" or "hey, thanks for at least considering!". There were no hard feelings, and my soul felt a little more free each time.

I began to see how much more available I became to not only my friends and my husband, but to Jesus, most importantly. I was able to spend my mornings in prayer, instead of rushing to get out of the door. I began to have less "clutter" on my calendar, and more intentional hangouts with my friends. Nights that used to be filled with rushing around after work were now being spent in comfy clothes and a messy bun, actually making a good dinner and spending time at the table with Caleb. 

Lysa Terkeurst is one of my favorite Christian authors/speakers and she wrote a book called The Best Yes where she said "If I really want an unrushed life, I must underwhelm my schedule, so God has room to overwhelm my soul". DANG!

I'm amazed at how much I've changed in just the few years we've been married. Not in some dramatic, life altering way, but just in the small things. I'm waking up everyday asking God to help me be the best ME I can be that day, to not get caught up in the hustle of hard work, and to just be.

I hope you can take some time this week to slow down, and be more aware of how you spend your time, and how it makes you feel. We all have the same amount of hours in our days, let's make them count! :)

Random brain dump.

It's one of those days for my blog. I have no ideas. No real prompts/link ups to follow, but I still have a lot on my mind - so you get a random brain dump today!

-This day, four years ago, Caleb proposed, and asked me to be his wife! Ah, its still one of my favorite memories with him. All alone on our favorite beach in the world...promising to start a new amazing journey together! I am so thankful for him.

-I ran last night! I started the Couch to 5K app and it felt so good. I have a tendency to stray from those kind of programs and just run for as long as I can, but then I get super burnt out. So this time I'm really trying to follow the workouts to a T!

-I also have an eye appointment tonight. I really wish I didn't have to wear contacts/glasses, but I'm so thankful for my vision. It's just one of those things I sometimes take for granted!

-Erin and Jared got me some of the best birthday presents, but one of my favorites are these fine point pen/markers that they threw in there. I'm obsessed and they are my new faves for my planner, and pretty much everything.

-Last night, I successfully found the PERFECT avocado at Kroger post-workout. I normally tend to buy the ones that need to soften for a few days, or ones that are already bad. This one was perfect, and you better believe that entire thing was gone with dinner (I made this)!

-I'm so behind on my edits. I am dedicating this entire evening to beginning to catch up!

-I've been having issues with my Fitbit since I got my new phone. I've tried resetting it and typing in the new 4 digit code, but it still won't work. Which is sad because it obviously won't sync! I think i may need to do a full "factory reset" which makes me sad - but whatever I need to do to get it working. Here's to hoping that phone call doesn't take too long!

-Our nephew is basically the cutest thing alive. Oh, and seeing Caleb with him melts my heart into a giant puddle on the floor. That is all.

I hope everyone has a great day ahead of them! Make it count!

It's no ones fault but my own.

I mentioned yesterday in my random-filled post that I had a silly little meltdown over practically nothing. I think it was just a ton of little things that had piled up in my brain and when Caleb and I started talking about something I didn't want to talk about I just. blew. up. I'm talking, ugly cry, knees-bent, hands-in-face cry right there on the bathroom floor.

If that sounds like I just described a 4 year old, then you'd probably be right...except it was me. Even though I was being extremely ridiculous, Caleb let me cry (because lets be real, sometimes a girl just needs to vent and let it all out for whatever reason). Not only did he let me cry, he held me, gave me the perfect little pep talk (which was exactly what I needed to hear), and completely shifted my perspective on my day-to-day routine. He said "maybe you should change your attitude"... and while my first reaction was to be upset and yell at him for the comment, I thought for a second first, and realized he was right. I needed to shift my perspective. I heard God saying to me... listen Kayla, be thankful for what you have. The busy stuff is a blessing, too, even when you don't feel that way.

The ultimate root of my silly meltdown? I'm almost positive its that I don't give myself enough 'me time' to enjoy things that I love on my own...usually when I get in a night to myself? I'm spending it eating a cheap dinner, and editing photos for 4 hours at a time. Don't get me wrong, I love a quick drive thru meal and editing beautiful photos...but that still includes doing something for someone else, and I need to figure out a better schedule to keep my stress levels lower.

I think as women (or anyone with a family and/or a job that you care about), sometimes we do our best to make sure everything is done for everyone else, making sure your family is happy, your home is clean, and a good dinner was prepared for your husband. While that's all very true to some of us and those are all good things, its good to be a little selfish sometimes and say forget it. The laundry can wait, the editing can wait, and you can order take out for yourself....and sometimes? A bubble bath is in order.

I found myself emailing a few friends about how stressed I've been, will be, etc. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my day to day life. I keep saying "I can't wait to find time to finish that book", or "maybe tonight I can squeeze in a phone call with my friends?", when I ultimately know none of those things would get done. Then I face the realization that its NO ONE'S FAULT but my OWN for not making time for myself a priority. Sure, I'm extremely busy most of the time...rushing from an office job, to Starbucks to meet with a bride, to back home to edit, workout, and make dinner... but you know what? I think its silly sometimes, rushing around like that. Everyone needs time for themselves. I truly believe that taking time to do things that you love makes you want to be better in every aspect of life.

After my 20 minute bubble bath last night (thanks Er, for the amazing Disney princess version!!), I felt happy. Not that I don't normally feel happy on other evenings, but I think I was proud of myself...for finally MAKING the time.

Oh, and another random thing? I'm sick of the fact that I'm not a morning person...I've always wanted to be that girl who wakes up in PLENTY of time to write a blog post, make hot chocolate, go for a run and maybe even pack her own lunch ALL before her 8am commute. I can't even fathom that kind of morning routine...but I'm determined to get there soon. No one is stopping me, but myself.

So ladies? I dare you to take a bubble bath tonight...finish that book, write in your journal, spend extra time doing something you love, and watch the difference in yourself unfold.

Luckily, he deals with me!

So we had the most amazing first anniversary together over the weekend. Caleb had quite a few adorable things up his sleeve, and he has left me very impressed. Blog post to come ASAP... :)

I was thinking last night as I cleaned the crusted avocado off my jeans that I used in my dinner dish, that I have come a LONG way in my "comfort" level with Caleb. I totally remember when we used to date (back when we were wee little babes), and I'd think about our possible future together. My thoughts went something like...will he think I'm going bald with the amount of hair leave in the shower every single day?!... and do I have to clip my toenails in private?? and even worse, what do I do when I wake up next to him and look like a hobo with sick breath?!

...beats me! Somehow Caleb has learned to manage... with my quirks and all.

I take my make up off and look like a total zombie before bed.

OCD overcomes me and I can't sleep until every dish is clean and put away.

I make him say 'excuse me' after every. single. burp.

Sometimes, I even steal the covers.

I clip my toenails whenever I find it necessary, no matter how unladylike I look.

While telling jokes, I ALWAYS cross the line.

I rap to Eminem, verbatim, even though he envies hates it.

After dinner, I don't always 'suck it in', and could care less how big my food baby looks.

I have hysterical laughing fits where I laugh so hard I cry...at my own jokes.

I ask him his opinions on my outfits, even though I'll probably change 2-3 more times.

Photo shoots on my Mac happen all too often, while he's even in the room (Exhibit A seen above).

I can be a bit of a grump when he leaves for work at 5:30am.

My relationship with my double chin is real...and makes for amazing snap chats, that he usually witnesses.

It's a wonder how he sticks around...but somehow, he deals with my weirdness. After all, we've all got our quirks. What makes you weird!?

Something I don't deserve.

Make that 2 things.

First, God's unfailing love. For real, big man...what were you thinking saving a sinner like me? I suppose you just rock like that. Second, thanks for blessing me with an UNBELIEVABLE husband! I came home last night after run #4 for the week, and it wasn't easy at all. Legs burning, heart rate up, forehead covered in sweat, I sat there in the gym feeling so gross...wondering at what point will I reach my goal?

I came home, headed straight for the bathroom so I could take a quick shower, and I had this waiting on me.

Insert cheesiest smile EVER. I was smitten.

& right then, it kind of hit me, I need to stop being so hard on myself. I'm kicking my own butt in the gym, working out hard 4x a week and eating MUCH cleaner than normal...things WILL pay off. Even if it takes time. Tomorrow marks FOUR WEEKS on my fitness journey and I'm happy to say I am finally seeing results. Small results, but results none the less.

I may not have the clearest skin, the best hair, or the tiniest waist...but my stud of a husband things I'm beautiful, and so does my God.

That's all that matters.

I'll be back tomorrow with my weekend update.

Happy work week ;)