Rewarding myself.

On October 1st I told Caleb that I'd be rewarding myself at the end of the month for surviving -- if I made it ;) wellllll, I DID! I'm happy to report that I worked my day job every day, shot 4 beautiful weddings, 8 engagement sessions, edited hour HOURS (it truly never ends), as well as multiple consultations and phone calls with potential/current brides! So to say this month was a doozy is an understatement. I knew exactly what I wanted my reward to be to...

A trip to the nail salon. EEK!

I legitimately never go to the nail salon. I just can't bring myself to regularly drop that kinda cash on pretty nails (I don't even make the time for it at home, its been a LONG time since these nail beds have seen color, sadly)! However it is quite the luxury, and I knew it would rock. So, I grabbed my sister in law and we had ourselves a ladies night after work!

Afterwards, we walked to a little Mexican place we hadn't been to in a while and just talked for a couple hours. I love nights like that. No phones, no distractions, just a couple of friends catching up on life and having a blast!

I think its important in life to reward ourselves when we work really, really hard. It might sound silly, but this little manicure appointment is what kept me going some days where there didn't seem to be an end in sight. Some days I wanted to give up, throw the towel in, and just nap. all. day! But I put on my big girl pants and got all the hard work done, and didn't feel a single ounce of "buyers remorse" when I paid for that amazing gel manicure.

Another reason I'm excited today?! We got the official notice of our 3rd loan being paid off (about time, Navient!)!! It's been paid off for over a month but getting the official notice fro them makes it feel more REAL!

So friends, if you're working hard - reward yourself a little! YOU DESERVE IT!! It doesn't have to be anything lavish, just a little something to remind yourself, "you rock". I'm really looking forward to tonight with Caleb. We are thinking of a tasty dinner and finally carving those pumpkins!

Happy almost-Friday! ;)

It's just a season.

It happened. The anxiety attack I've been fearing for a while. It crept up like a thief... and really frightened me. This isn't me, I thought. I didn't know what was happening...and its not like this happens a lot, or ever, but there I was, trying to fall asleep next to my husband, and I couldn't control my breathing. Then I start trying to speak and let him know I wasn't sure why I felt like this...and then came the tears. It made no sense to me?! He had no idea what to do, other than hold me and tell me to just cry it all out. Cause sometimes? That's all you can do...even when it makes no sense.

Let me tell you a little something about my life - its insanely busy. It kind of makes me laugh when people have to tell me just how busy I am, like I'm not aware or something. I work full time by day, shoot weddings on the weekends and meet with couples in the evenings for consultations, timeline prep, engagement shoots, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love every second of it...but some nights? The Devil tricks me into thinking that this is how it will always be, that somehow I can't handle all of it...and that I'm going to royally screw up eventually.

The silver lining to being busy right now? I know it won't last forever. Caleb and I KNEW 2015 would be one of our busiest, most insane years. We're paying off a ton of debt and working our tails off...and while we do enjoy it and this photography business is our passion, it's proving to be incredibly tiring! But that's what you have to do sometimes...work extremely hard & get extremely tired. One of my best friends told me this week, to make sure that EVERY SINGLE DAY I am doing something that will get me closer to my dreams, and a lot of the time? That means hard work. Dang, I have smart friends.

So I'm here to ask for prayer...and for a little accountability. Caleb said I need to schedule "me-nights"... nights where I come home from work and leave my laptop in its bag; no editing, no emails, no phone calls, etc...and just be. It's funny to me that I'd never thought of scheduling nights off...like it wasn't a possibility? This insanely tiring year has already taught me so much about myself, but its also teaching me a lot about prioritizing, and I love that.

Being in the thick of something is hard, no matter what it is... but the reward is always worth it.

shameless wedding photo because I'm happy in this photo and I love my dress.

He's a smart man...and I'm glad I listened to him. I'm promising myself that starting next week, I'm going to be better about making time for ME! Maybe I should start with a hair appointment? My girl Becca is almost back from maternity leave and I'm excited that I'm going back to blonde. I truly feel like its more me and to be honest? I just kinda miss it! I'm ready for summer!! ;)

Making time for me

I love my husband dearly...I really do...but there are times when I just need to get away and do my own thing for about 30 minutes or so. I've always been that way. I LOVE community, I love my friends and family, I love being surrounded by awesome people....but sometimes I just want to spend time with myself. I think its good for the soul. Maybe you're like me, or maybe you think I'm crazy. But here are just a few things I do to get my 'me time' in...

Running.

Sure, its work...but exercise is seriously therapeutic for me. It's just me, my playlist, and my thoughts. I've sorted through lots of ideas/priorities in my head on my long runs lately and have LOVED how refreshed I feel once its over. I don't always love the actual exercise, but I never regret it once its over.

Getting my hair done.

I know this requires an appointment most of the time, but there's nothing like spending an hour or two girl talking with your stylist and getting your hair played with. Bonus points when you leave feeling like a million bucks!!

A bubble bath.

I LOVE taking a 20 minute bubble bath. There is something SO relaxing about it. I put on some Hillsong Live and throw some lavender bath salts up in there, and I'm good.

Popping in a classic feel-good, funny movie.

Hello Pitch Perfect. Nice to see you for the 17th time this year... :)

Being in the kitchen.

I think its so refreshing to pick a new recipe, follow it verbatim, and create something delicious for people you love (or even just for yourself!). My kitchen is definitely one of my happy places...if only it was bigger!

Reading.

I'm excited that Caleb and I are making a priority to read 30 minutes a night a few times a week to dive into the plot of our choice. Being able to curl up under a comfy blanket and do just that? Makes me one happy girl.

Writing.

Not even on my blog (though I do love doing that), I'm talking in a real journal. Pen to paper. Sometimes I just start writing down one thought, one memory, and next thing I know an hour has passed. It's so important to me to document my day to day thoughts. A lot of time, I look back just a few weeks and see how I've grown/learned from something. It's amazing.

Being a typical 20 something and browsing Pinterest/stalking Instagram

...because duh, I'm bored sometimes...and you all live beautiful lives.

I wish I could say "getting a massage", but that's never in my life happened. I hardly ever want to PAY for a mani/pedi, although I complain almost 24/7 about my ugly nails...so maybe I should finally treat myself soon. I should've also included "shopping" in the list, but Caleb and I hardly ever go out to actually purchase stuff and its more like "browsing", but sometimes, thats just as fun! What do you do to get in your me-time?!

It's no ones fault but my own.

I mentioned yesterday in my random-filled post that I had a silly little meltdown over practically nothing. I think it was just a ton of little things that had piled up in my brain and when Caleb and I started talking about something I didn't want to talk about I just. blew. up. I'm talking, ugly cry, knees-bent, hands-in-face cry right there on the bathroom floor.

If that sounds like I just described a 4 year old, then you'd probably be right...except it was me. Even though I was being extremely ridiculous, Caleb let me cry (because lets be real, sometimes a girl just needs to vent and let it all out for whatever reason). Not only did he let me cry, he held me, gave me the perfect little pep talk (which was exactly what I needed to hear), and completely shifted my perspective on my day-to-day routine. He said "maybe you should change your attitude"... and while my first reaction was to be upset and yell at him for the comment, I thought for a second first, and realized he was right. I needed to shift my perspective. I heard God saying to me... listen Kayla, be thankful for what you have. The busy stuff is a blessing, too, even when you don't feel that way.

The ultimate root of my silly meltdown? I'm almost positive its that I don't give myself enough 'me time' to enjoy things that I love on my own...usually when I get in a night to myself? I'm spending it eating a cheap dinner, and editing photos for 4 hours at a time. Don't get me wrong, I love a quick drive thru meal and editing beautiful photos...but that still includes doing something for someone else, and I need to figure out a better schedule to keep my stress levels lower.

I think as women (or anyone with a family and/or a job that you care about), sometimes we do our best to make sure everything is done for everyone else, making sure your family is happy, your home is clean, and a good dinner was prepared for your husband. While that's all very true to some of us and those are all good things, its good to be a little selfish sometimes and say forget it. The laundry can wait, the editing can wait, and you can order take out for yourself....and sometimes? A bubble bath is in order.

I found myself emailing a few friends about how stressed I've been, will be, etc. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my day to day life. I keep saying "I can't wait to find time to finish that book", or "maybe tonight I can squeeze in a phone call with my friends?", when I ultimately know none of those things would get done. Then I face the realization that its NO ONE'S FAULT but my OWN for not making time for myself a priority. Sure, I'm extremely busy most of the time...rushing from an office job, to Starbucks to meet with a bride, to back home to edit, workout, and make dinner... but you know what? I think its silly sometimes, rushing around like that. Everyone needs time for themselves. I truly believe that taking time to do things that you love makes you want to be better in every aspect of life.

After my 20 minute bubble bath last night (thanks Er, for the amazing Disney princess version!!), I felt happy. Not that I don't normally feel happy on other evenings, but I think I was proud of myself...for finally MAKING the time.

Oh, and another random thing? I'm sick of the fact that I'm not a morning person...I've always wanted to be that girl who wakes up in PLENTY of time to write a blog post, make hot chocolate, go for a run and maybe even pack her own lunch ALL before her 8am commute. I can't even fathom that kind of morning routine...but I'm determined to get there soon. No one is stopping me, but myself.

So ladies? I dare you to take a bubble bath tonight...finish that book, write in your journal, spend extra time doing something you love, and watch the difference in yourself unfold.