Dear 15 year old me,

Dear 15 year old me...

I know you.
I know you think you're ugly, since you've got a few extra pounds around your waist and your ankles aren't sticks like all of your friends.

I know you think you're not worthy of a good boyfriend because of your middle part, glasses AND braces...and your first "real" boyfriend got all of his friends to call you fat as he broke up with you over AIM.

I know you stay awake at night wondering if you'll ever have "the look" that everyone else seems to have.

I remember the struggle like it was yesterday; doing almost anything for some attention.

I know you pretend to know what everything means to fit in, and that you're lying about still watching Nickelodeon.

I know that you know some of the things you've done aren't okay, but you do them anyway to fit in, or to make yourself feel like you belong, or who knows.

But, if I could tell you how wrong you are, I would. I really would! I wish you could understand how truly AWESOME you are! How unique you are! How beautiful you are! If I could only show you a glimpse of your future, you'd understand how silly it is to be treating yourself so terribly. To be doing so many selfish, silly things!

Would you believe it if I told you the guy who hurt you (and who you also hurt) countless times throughout your youth would eventually be gone and you'd actually meet a guy worthy of marrying after graduation? Or that you'd end up finally being more confident in your personality? Or that some of your wildest dreams will come true!?

Would you believe me if I said you would be able to forgive yourself for all those not-so-great decisions you made and have the confidence to truly know that God has a bigger plan for you?

I so wish that I could shake you, tell you how worthy you really are, and make you understand His love for you!!! To make you understand that all the things you're going through are all for a reason. It's all molding you into the person you were made to be.

So 15 yr old Kayla, believe me when I say things will get better. No, life will NOT always be easy. I know you can't wait to grow up, but you should know your early 20's will prove to be some of the hardest years of your young life. You'll learn a lot, and grow like crazy...spiritually, emotionally, mentally, but its all part of your story. So you'll learn to love it.

Stop wishing the time away and live each day for what it is. Stop wishing for college (because that definitely doesn't go as planned), stop wishing for a man to complete you (because only God can do that), and stop trying to be someone you're not (cause you're actually pretty great). Remember who you really are, because you're perfect that way. Flaws and all.

Love,
Your older, wiser self.

"Keep Leaning Forward"

Tomorrow marks a hard day for my family. It was two years ago that my Grandpa passed away. Although we weren't very close throughout my adult life, I loved him very much. It's always sad that when someone passes away, you look back and wish you had spent more time with them, getting to know them, what their interests were, etc. However, I'm insanely grateful that I not only got to say goodbye to him here on this Earth, but that he was part of our wedding, and that we snagged this awesome photo at our rehearsal dinner. You guys, can we talk about how amazing his baby blue eyes are?! I pray our future kiddos inherit those genes!

Last night before bed, I happened upon an old journal under my vanity. When I picked it up, a handwritten letter from my Grandpa fell out. I couldn't believe the timing with it being nearly 2 years after he passed.

The tears started coming before I could even begin reading it, but goodness he had the most BEAUTIFUL handwriting, which always made me smile. Years ago when I was in school, we wrote a few letters back and forth. He had been sick for a long time, and he would occasionally hop on his computer to send me a funny chain email, but for the most part he liked handwritten letters to communicate, which I absolutely loved.

This particular letter will be something I treasure forever. He talked about his old Pentax film camera, told me to always thank a Veteran, and also how proud of me he was for going after my dreams, even though they can be scary. However, my favorite part was how he ended the letter: "Love you. Pay it forward when you can, and keep leaning forward. -Grandpa Phil"

Grandpa Phil, I miss ya.

Have a great day, friends! Thanks, as always, for reading and being supportive!

Dear groceries...

...I'm thankful you're finally done. It's really nice having free time. Is it weird that sometimes I thoroughly enjoy alone time at the grocery store?! Our Kroger has this new scan-as-you-go system, and I was so intimidated I didn't give it a whirl last night. In my defense, I think you have to bring your own bags, but maybe next time I'll get the courage to try ;) #newthingsscareme

Dear Tuesday night... you freaking rocked. I watched a 2.5 hr free webinar with a favorite photographer of mine. At one point I had actual tears welling up, and thought "I CAN do this!". Katelyn motivated me, inspired me, and most of all made me realize that my hard work will pay off one day. My favorite line was "don't create a successful business to lose your personal life" - she talked a lot about time management and her editing process. It honestly resonated with me so much!

Dear little brother, your first day of work was yesterday! Can't wait to hear how it went!

Dear Jenna & Eric, your engagement session is seriously making me proud. I'm thankful I've gotten to know them, and that adorable little nose crinkle she gets when he makes her laugh!

Dear visa gift card I kind of forgot about... you made me a very happy girl last night :)

Dear Punta Cana... I'd really like to come visit you again!!! I miss your sandy white beaches, and yeah, even the awkward sunburn you gave me.

but... Dear Hilton Head... T minus 8 months until I see you again. Not that I'm counting down the days or anything....

Dear laser tag... you were SO fun this week! We had a youth-group outing with the teens and although I nearly came in last place, it was a blast!!! I had never done it before, so it was a little confusing at first BUT I can't wait to try again sometime! #nerdalert

Dear co worker who shall remain nameless... please stay far away today. You've tested my patience this week, and I'm not loving that ;)

Dear red cups... this whole "controversy" is ludicrous, I'm sorry that some people hate you this year. I still think you're pretty. More specifically, I like you a latte' (see what I did there) when you're free.

Dear weekend... I'm really excited for you. A little time with friends, and a lot of time with family.

Dear pumpkin smashing teenagers...

Dear people who think pumpkin smashing is fun: get a life. Sure, its a well known (immature) tradition for teenagers, but get over yourself. You about ruined our night last week when we came home from a long day to find one of our BEAUTIFUL pumpkins smashed in the middle of the road. So, Caleb had to pick out a new one at Kroger over last weekend. Luckily, his new one is just as awesome, but still...why do some people think its fun to sneak onto the front porch of a strangers home and steal their decorations!?!

Dear people who don't smash pumpkins: you rock. Thanks for being nice.

Dear Friday: I'm so happy you're finally here. This was another busy week full of endless meetings, 3 engagement sessions, and timeline calls.

Dear Jenna: thank you for wearing the coolest outfit ever to your engagement session last night. We're all obsessed.

Dear tomorrow's wedding: can't believe you'll be our 26TH WEDDING of the year!!! Only a few more to go for the year and we get a (very) small break.

Dear gym: I'm really sorry I haven't visited you in a while. This has been the busiest month ever and I hope to see you really, really soon!!!

Dear fall decorations: I never want to take you down - shoutout to Emily for this cute piece!

Dear meal planning: you really do pay off, even if sometimes you take forever to sort out! I have some tasty meals planned for the next couple weeks!

Dear Becca and Angie: thanks for meeting me for dinner this week! I know we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like, but I'm excited we're all making more time for it! Catching up with friends is the best.

Dear Caleb: only a few days until your birthday and I am so excited to celebrate you for a few days!!!!

love his goofy smile face.

I really hope everyone has some exciting plans for the weekend! I'm using a vacation day Monday so Caleb and I can enjoy a long weekend (since we have to work Saturday) and celebrate his 27th birthday. Woo! Have fun, friends!!!

Sweet little Friday letters.

This was one of the fastest weeks I've had in a while! Trust me though, I'm not complaining. I love the feeling of looking up and seeing the clock past lunch. Caleb and I have kept up with eating healthy (other than Wednesday when I didn't get home until 8:30 and he asked me to pickup Chickfila...and when the husband asks for Chickfila, he gets it.... mainly because I always want it).

I used to "link up" all the time with other blogs, and now I am so out of it. I've gotta get back on my blog game, and I'm not afraid to admit it. So, I figured I'd come back with a letters series, today.

Dear super-hot-substitute teacher-husband.... its your first day on the job as a high school substitute teacher. I'm SO excited for you. You've inspired me this week with how calm and at peace you are with the whole situation. You truly feel called to do this and I know God has equipped you for this new, exciting journey (back story, this is his dream...and he's put it off for so long, he wants to be a full time teacher, but we're putting one foot in front of the other to start with)!!

what's a Friday without a little pop-art.

Dear grilled chicken: you've been amazing this week, but I've got to mix it up. Stalking my own boards to find some new recipes this weekend!

Dear Pinterest... thanks for getting me through 9-5.

Dear Cincinnati Reds baseball... I'm kind of over you. Football is back, and it has my heart.

Dear fantasy football... I'm so pumped for you. We have 2 leagues again this year. One with church, and one with family. We're equally pumped for both and I have to start making potential selections. The picture below has nothing to do with football, but I COULD jump for joy at the thought of winning a fantasy league ;)

Dear Dubsmash... thank you for entertaining me for a ridiculous amount of time, especially this week.

Dear tomorrow's wedding: thank you for keeping us at only ONE location all day. Those days are honestly our favorites. Little stress, no chance we'll leave anything behind...no drive time. Bonus points that its only about 15 minutes from our apartment. We've shot at this location before, remember Kelly + Mauricio from last year? Ugh. Gorgeous.

Dear Dunkin Donuts coupons sitting on my counter... someone needs to throw you away before you get used.

Dear soon to be newlyweds... in a matter of 2 weeks time I will have met with 7 new couples. It's crazy awesome how unique each of your days are going to be and I'm pumped we get to be a part of it!!!! :)

Dear weekend... although you'll be busy, I'm looking forward to enjoying it all with my man. Whether its on the couch with a movie tonight, at the wedding tomorrow, or at church on Sunday...I'm just excited to have a couple days away from work!

One year...already!!

This Sunday Caleb and I will be celebrating our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

I mean really...how fast can time go??! This time last year I was running around like crazy, finalizing last minute details for the wedding, getting my nails done, picking up my dress, practicing my vows and stuffing my face whenever I got the chance. I wrote posts like this one and this one in preparation for our big day. Friends showered me with love, family prepared me to leave the home I've always known, and Caleb made me more excited than ever to be a wife...his wife.

I still feel as giddy about this guy as I did nearly 365 days ago...

Dear Caleb, I've never loved you more. They really are right when they say marriage just keeps getting better. You've taught me so much about life in the past year. You've shown me how to let go of my silly worries, and how to push myself in ways I never thought possible. In this first little year, we've experienced more love than I thought imaginable, more loss than I thought my heart could handle, and more joy than my brain could comprehend. You've made me feel beautiful at 2AM with no make up on, and you've made me feel loved even when I felt angry at you over something so silly. Our apartment never really got decorated, and the dishes weren't always done, but we never went to bed upset...and that was one of our goals. We never stayed angry for long, and we always encouraged each other through each dream.

In our first year my dream of becoming a photographer came true, and you joined right in! We took two amazing vacations, and ventured on numerous road trips. We saw parts of the world we've always dreamed of seeing, and we did it together. We bought silly mugs from Goodwill for our cabinets, and sometimes had pancakes for dinner...and I've never had more fun in my whole entire life. If this first year is any indication of how the rest of our lives will be, well then, I can't wait. I love you more than I can even express and I can't wait to see what this next year has in store. You're amazing!

Love, your wife.

Dear exciting weekend plans,

Dear Caleb, thanks for not thinking I'm crazy and letting a blogger friend you've never met stay with us for an entire weekend. I promise Becky isn't plotting to kill us :)

Dear Becky...we are MEETING tonight! Eek! Cannot believe how much fun we'll be having in a few short hours!

Dear Mexico...can we come back?! I'm craving you like crazy lately!

Dear Friday... this Friday in particular! I've been waiting for you for an awfully long time it seems!

Dear chips and queso...get ready to be attacked tonight.

Dear 5 miles tomorrow...I'm not scared of you anymore.

Dear Reese Witherspoon's hair... I want you. Why, oh why, will my hair never be that cute?!

Dear apartment...I worked on you forever last night. Cleaning is so therapeutic to me, and it finally feels like I can relax. You are great!

Dear entire weekend...hello girl talk, Redbox, pasta, and laughter.

Here's to hoping everyone will have a blast this weekend. I couldn't be more excited. Becky and I have been chatting for a couple months about this weekend and its finally here, it seems crazy (and and PS, Dear diet, you're not going to be perfect this weekend...sorry in advance)!  If you want to follow along with our weekend shenanigans, follow me on instagram! Happy Friday!

Fridayyy, I think I love you.

Dear Friday, I've been waiting for you all week!!! I have some fun things planned for this weekend.

Dear workout last night, thank you for being killer. Yes it was super late in the evening, and I was tired and hungry, but thanks for making it worth it. I have NEVER run that fast in my life for that long, or worked my arms so hard. Who cares if I look pathetic with my 10 lb weights, I'm doing it.

Dear Outlet malls, get ready to be TO' UP tomorrow. Erin & I are coming for you! Deal$ deal$ deal$.

Dear Amanda, you are seriously beautiful! We had so much fun shooting your wedding! I miss you friend. oh & HEY...your wedding photos are almost compleeeete ;)

Dear books, I'm excited to start reading you again.

Dear Alexa, your constant encouraging messages make me the happiest. You're amazing!

Dear Joe & Amanda...you guys rock. In case I've never mentioned that.

Dear booties, I want you...and I want you bad.

Dear co-worker, you're going to KILL your marathon this weekend. You're an inspiration!

Dear Cincy bloggers, words cannot express how EXCITED I am to meet all of you next week. I had NO idea there were this many of us, and I'm pumped to spend an entire evening with everyone!! We are seriously going to need name tags, ha!

Have a fun weekend, friends!

Deeeearrr...lots of things.

Sweeeeeetttt sweet Friday. How does a 4 day work week feel something like a 7 day work week? Not sure, but lets not let that happen again.

Dear hair, I desperately want to cut you. It is in my goals to get you cut AND high lighted this month... and oh it will happen. You've like never been this long, and its sad really...I don't even take care of you anymore. I spoke about taking risks yesterday, and I'm definitely chopping you off as soon as I can. I'm sick of this long, dishwater looking, nasty, broken sandiness you've got going on. Time to be off my neck, and blonde again... like you used to be (see below!)

Dear football, thanks for finally gracing the world with your amazing presence yesterday.

Dear apartment... can you clean yourself?

Dear tea, you are amazing. I have always been a sweet tea lover, but will admit I didn't really drink hot tea until recently. Our wedding photographers had some when we recently met up and OMG...life changed.

Dear photographers.... you guys are amazing...BTW!

Dear Lyndsie... you have a huge interview today and I'm super excited for you. You are one of the smartest gals I know, and you're going to do great things with this life ahead of you!!

Dear Katy Perry, umm your new video rocks my socks. As if I expected anything less. You are seriously amazing...and I will meet you one day (with my soulmate). The end!

Dear Erin... speaking of soulmates ;) you are SUCH a beautiful person, inside and out. So happy to have you as a sister for the rest of my days!

(Hiiii backseat)..... this was from my bachelorette party. Ohhh boy.

Dear fun co-workers, you few make my day so much brighter at the office. 

Dear sweet little Nora, Caleb and I are babysitting you tonight at our place. I'm excited, because all you ever want to do when you are over is watch Tangled and eat fruit...and I'm 100% okay with doing just that.

Dear wedding, can you just happen all over again? I'm certain you were the fastest day of my life. I want to put you on repeat...every day.

Dear Caleb, don't wanna get too mushy, but you're kind of my best friend. Thanks for cooking for me, and thanks for also caving when I want pizza. You're the man.

Have a fun fun fun weekend, friends!

Let the celebrations begin!!!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Finally...I was craving Friday like it was a Krispy Kreme Donut.

Dear Erin, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK! I know, I know... your real birthday is next Saturday...but since we are starting the celebrations a bit early tonight, you deserve an early letter! 

I am SO happy we formed such an amazing & immediate friendship from the get-go...I'm so happy that being family will only bring us closer. We truly have the same brains sometimes, we share a love of Target-cold  Mountain Dews, Holtman's donuts, and a Katy Perry girl crush.

You will not only become my sister, but will remain my friend! 

Thank you for making hilarious eye contact with me during uncomfortable situations,  thank you for knowing exactly what I'm thinking, thank you for keeping me from freaking out about planning my wedding by making incredible spreadsheets/timelines for me, and most of all...thanks for being one of the greatest friends I've ever had.

Can't wait to share a last name with you miss ;)

& have dance parties by fireside....

& to celebrate being sisters with pretty rings...

& take aweome pictures together until were 97...

& to take crazy New years eve pictures...every year...

& to have amazing men, for the rest of our lives. God really knew what he was doing bringing the 4 of us together. 

Long story short... thanks for being YOU and being so amazing.

Have a great weekend, friends!!

WHAAAAT?!

Um. So talk about a surprise.

I was planning on casually strolling into work right on time, getting on with the days meetings, I check my email, & sweet Taylor from The Daily Tay & also (in collaboration with super cute Whitney from I wore Yoga Pants) The Browse sent me an exciting email that I was chosen for BLOGGER OF THE WEEK! 

Me?!?! You shouldn't have ;)

No but seriously, how fun?!?!?! I'm so excited about this! Its so cool to know that so many of you come back each and every day to read the nonsense that I'm usually talking about! I seriously love that I get to talk about whatever the heck I want, usually random, mostly silly, but always me, and you all just accept it.

THANK YOU!!!

Since this is a first for me, I decided lets keep with the tradition of firsts going! I'm linking up for the first time ever for....

Dear Friday, you got here quicker than usual... and I can't say I'm mad about it! Dear bloggy BFF'S, you know who you are. You keep my heart pumping. I love our late night texts, snail mail & packages, planning meet-ups and sharing real life moments with each other. Dang, sounds like Caleb's got some fierce competition! Dear Valentines Day, why am I completely unprepared for you this year?! Typically, I'm all over you like a hotcake... however, this year seems like Caleb is winning that award. Dear mattress, you have to stop being so darn comfy, you almost make me miss work every day. Dear Insanity, I know we've been slacking. But Caleb's knee needs to be back at 100% before I'll risk it again! Dear little red bikini, I will rock you this summer. I promise (if Shaun T has anything to say about it). Dear Erin & Lyndsie, thanks to you two, I am over the moon excited about both of my upcoming Bridal Showers. Cannot even WAIT! Dear flower girl, your mom and I are taking you out for breakfast tomorrow, shopping for your adorable dress tomorrow, and treating you like a princess all day long. Dear YOU, you are loved.

Thanks again for always sticking around and reading my lil' space that I love so dearly. As Drake would say: you daaa bessst.