Dear 15 year old me...
I know you.
I know you think you're ugly, since you've got a few extra pounds around your waist and your ankles aren't sticks like all of your friends.
I know you think you're not worthy of a good boyfriend because of your middle part, glasses AND braces...and your first "real" boyfriend got all of his friends to call you fat as he broke up with you over AIM.
I know you stay awake at night wondering if you'll ever have "the look" that everyone else seems to have.
I remember the struggle like it was yesterday; doing almost anything for some attention.
I know you pretend to know what everything means to fit in, and that you're lying about still watching Nickelodeon.
I know that you know some of the things you've done aren't okay, but you do them anyway to fit in, or to make yourself feel like you belong, or who knows.
But, if I could tell you how wrong you are, I would. I really would! I wish you could understand how truly AWESOME you are! How unique you are! How beautiful you are! If I could only show you a glimpse of your future, you'd understand how silly it is to be treating yourself so terribly. To be doing so many selfish, silly things!
Would you believe it if I told you the guy who hurt you (and who you also hurt) countless times throughout your youth would eventually be gone and you'd actually meet a guy worthy of marrying after graduation? Or that you'd end up finally being more confident in your personality? Or that some of your wildest dreams will come true!?
Would you believe me if I said you would be able to forgive yourself for all those not-so-great decisions you made and have the confidence to truly know that God has a bigger plan for you?
I so wish that I could shake you, tell you how worthy you really are, and make you understand His love for you!!! To make you understand that all the things you're going through are all for a reason. It's all molding you into the person you were made to be.
So 15 yr old Kayla, believe me when I say things will get better. No, life will NOT always be easy. I know you can't wait to grow up, but you should know your early 20's will prove to be some of the hardest years of your young life. You'll learn a lot, and grow like crazy...spiritually, emotionally, mentally, but its all part of your story. So you'll learn to love it.
Stop wishing the time away and live each day for what it is. Stop wishing for college (because that definitely doesn't go as planned), stop wishing for a man to complete you (because only God can do that), and stop trying to be someone you're not (cause you're actually pretty great). Remember who you really are, because you're perfect that way. Flaws and all.
Your older, wiser self.