Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Dear 15 year old me,



Dear 15 year old me...

I know you.
I know you think you're ugly, since you've got a few extra pounds around your waist and your ankles aren't sticks like all of your friends.

I know you think you're not worthy of a good boyfriend because of your middle part, glasses AND braces...and your first "real" boyfriend got all of his friends to call you fat as he broke up with you over AIM.

I know you stay awake at night wondering if you'll ever have "the look" that everyone else seems to have.

I remember the struggle like it was yesterday; doing almost anything for some attention.

I know you pretend to know what everything means to fit in, and that you're lying about still watching Nickelodeon.

I know that you know some of the things you've done aren't okay, but you do them anyway to fit in, or to make yourself feel like you belong, or who knows.

But, if I could tell you how wrong you are, I would. I really would! I wish you could understand how truly AWESOME you are! How unique you are! How beautiful you are! If I could only show you a glimpse of your future, you'd understand how silly it is to be treating yourself so terribly. To be doing so many selfish, silly things!

Would you believe it if I told you the guy who hurt you (and who you also hurt) countless times throughout your youth would eventually be gone and you'd actually meet a guy worthy of marrying after graduation? Or that you'd end up finally being more confident in your personality? Or that some of your wildest dreams will come true!?

Would you believe me if I said you would be able to forgive yourself for all those not-so-great decisions you made and have the confidence to truly know that God has a bigger plan for you?

I so wish that I could shake you, tell you how worthy you really are, and make you understand His love for you!!! To make you understand that all the things you're going through are all for a reason. It's all molding you into the person you were made to be.

So 15 yr old Kayla, believe me when I say things will get better. No, life will NOT always be easy. I know you can't wait to grow up, but you should know your early 20's will prove to be some of the hardest years of your young life. You'll learn a lot, and grow like crazy...spiritually, emotionally, mentally, but its all part of your story. So you'll learn to love it.

Stop wishing the time away and live each day for what it is. Stop wishing for college (because that definitely doesn't go as planned), stop wishing for a man to complete you (because only God can do that), and stop trying to be someone you're not (cause you're actually pretty great). Remember who you really are, because you're perfect that way. Flaws and all.

Love,
Your older, wiser self.

10 comments:

  1. I love this Kayla...I think we all felt like that in our youth at some point - unworthy for some reason! Beautifully written! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. Just an FYI... This is the Kayla that i had my first crush on and always talked to my friends about :)!!! Which eventually turned out to be my everything, my best friends and God's gift to me...

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  3. I love this! Not only because I could see the same insecurities in my younger self that you talk about, but also because I still have some of the same insecurities though I've gotten a lot better about that. Thanks for this today:)

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  4. I think this is wonderful. I think we can all relate to out 15 year old selves from time to time, and it would be nice to be able to go back and let them know it will all be ok!

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  5. I'm proud of you. That 15 year old is helping another 15 year old right now. Maybe even more likely 25 year old girl still feels that way and needs to hear just what you said.I love you Kayla Lynn.

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  6. This is so perfect. So so perfect. I wish I could relate many of these same things to the fifteen year old version of myself!

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  7. Ummm your husband's comment is my favorite thing ever. And I think we all could've benefited from a letter from our older self at some point in our lives (or maybe some of us are at that stage right now)!

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  8. Oh I love your husband even more now!! I am a melted puddle of mush with this comment.

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  9. Oh this is beautiful and so great to read. How wonderful to have compassion for that sweet girl and the things she didn't know yet - and to have learned the things she has in the years since! It makes me feel inspired to have more compassion to myself in the now, actually, because much as I have grown since the teenage years, I still have plenty of things that my 40-year-old self will look back and say "oh, honey, show yourself some love!" So thanks for the reminder to go ahead and do that now :)

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  10. we are all silly teenagers i think. sometimes i wish i could go back and shake 15 year old me (or even 13 or 17 year old me....) but then i think.. she wouldn't have listened! and i wouldn't be who i am today without all the idiotic mistakes i made and jerks i dated, lol.

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Thanks for your comments, I read and respond to every single one of them! :) Excited to get to know you!