Recently, I've felt very blah. Hard to explain...but I just haven't been my usual happy, peppy self. I kind of feel plain, tired, etc. I know part of it has to do with my lack of exercise and eating healthy, but I can't quite put my finger on what's been going on.
Sometimes I'll see photos of myself and immediately roll my eyes, ugh, lets try that again. I mean, its ridiculous. I've noticed I've been putting myself down a lot lately. Not even out loud, but quietly to myself. I hadn't put much thought into it until I shot an engagement shoot on Tuesday and the girl kept talking about how she can't stand photos of herself, how she's not photogenic at all, worrying about a tiny gap in her teeth that no one but her would ever notice. I kept insisting that she looked amazing (cause helloo, she did!), and that she needed to stop being so hard on herself.
SMACK! It was like I was talking to myself. Why do we think its alright to put ourselves down like crazy, all day, without thinking twice? Yet when someone else does it to themselves, we think its outrageous! I wish for one little day, I could talk to myself the way I'd talk to others, and truly mean it. Wake up in the morning and be totally satisfied with what I saw in the mirror.
It's an internal struggle and I know its silly...but hey, everyone's got issues. I also realize that I'm not totally honoring God when I treat myself this way. When I treat my body like crap, then put myself down? I'm definitely not acting as if He created me in His image, am I?
Genesis 1:27; "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them"
There are a few people I see quite often that I get a little uncomfortable around due to nothing other than pure envy. It's absolutely absurd. I've confided in my mom about this lately and she could hardly believe it. I'll just see this one woman and immediately feel intimidated. She can run faster than I can. She's got better hair than me. She's so talented at everything!! Yadda yadda yadda. Please don't judge me for this next sentence, but one time, I was almost looking for something to be wrong with her to simply make myself feel better.
WOW! Okay guys, that was super vulnerable and I need you to stick with me. Please...
I realize its insanely sinful and horrible to have thoughts like that. It's literally like the Devil is whispering in my ear all these lies that he wants me to believe, and I genuinely do, most days. But my perspective has changed the past couple days. I've spent more time than usual in the Gospel lately and it makes me remember that this isn't the way God intended for community/friendships to be. We are called to lift each other up, encourage one another, etc! We are to love our neighbors and KNOW OUR OWN WORTH! It's insanely hard for me to wrap my mind around God's grace but I'm so thankful for it every single day.
I want every single woman to KNOW how much God loves them, and to KNOW how beautiful and unique every one of you are! Beauty is so much more than an outer appearance, its about how we treat people, how we react to difficult situations, how we give of our time and energy. This verse makes me smile from ear to ear and I hope it makes you remember how beautiful you are today;
She is more precious than jewels; And nothing you desire compares with her. {Proverbs 3:15}
I'm also insanely thankful for a husband who treats me like a precious jewel and makes me feel his love on a daily basis, and reminds me of God's love for me.
We've all got flaws...but they are beautiful, and unique, and we need to learn to embrace them.
So I have a challenge for you... on this random Thursday, as you read this. I want you to comment with one thing you LOVE about yourself. It can be your amazing hair, your sense of humor, or something more specific. I want this to be a post of positivity!! Next, I want you to get a hold of someone you love...your mom, your sister, your best friend...and pay them a random compliment. It could just be the positive shift they needed in their day. Ready? GO!
Isn't this the truth?! I hate when my friends put themselves down and I try to build them up and let them know their so-called 'flaws' are only in their imagination. But what do I do to myself? Beat myself up over every little mistake I make, let myself feel bad about not succeeding at something, etc. If only we could all treat ourselves how we treat our friends, right?! Such a wonderful reminder, my BEAUTIFUL sister-in-law :) Even though it (sadly) was hard for me to think of something I love about myself... I decided I love the drive I have when it comes to work. I don't always love everything about it my job but I put my whole self into it every day!
ReplyDeleteI love my drive. I refuse to give up. Hang in there- you're wonderfully made, friend!
ReplyDeleteIt is always hard to follow our own advice. Hang in there beautiful girl!
ReplyDeleteSomething I love about myself...I take care of people. It may be something super small, but I try to always make sure my family and friends have whatever they need to be happy or comfortable :)
It is a sad thought that we do whatever it takes to build our friends up but we so quickly bring ourselves down. I will most definitely be accepting your challenge and reaching out to some wonderful ladies in my life today. :)
ReplyDeleteSomething I love about myself...I take the time to let people know that I'm there for them. Whether that's sending them a card in the mail or getting a little something for someone when they need it in their lives, I do it.
You're speaking straight to my soul today. I've always been self-conscious and those negative feelings have even prevented me from doing things out of intimidation/embarrassment. I truly believe that you don't NEED a guy in your life to make you feel better, but I can honestly say that having Wheat around makes me feel better about myself! I think it's a combination of how he treats me/talks to me and my desire to BE BETTER for him, you know? It's wonderful to have someone like that, the tiny voice in your ear that encourages you! I love my compassion for others - my consideration for others' feelings comes through in almost everything I do, I think. And one last thing? Girl, you're gorgeous inside AND out!
ReplyDeletegirl this post just proves how beautiful you are inside and out. it's funny because i look at you and i see a gorgeous, strong woman and yet you get down on yourself. it just goes to show we all have our struggles.
ReplyDeleteGirl- you are amazing and this post is amazing. It can be so easy to beat yourself up and put yourself down. I'm glad you were able to take your own words to heart!!
ReplyDeleteSomething I love about myself is my ability to be a good friend. I'm good at listening, offering advice, giving hugs and even just knowing when to refill the wine glass.
I've been struggling with a few things as of late too, my friend, and its entries like these that make me think. Good post!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pictures and an even better message!!! We all do the same thing and the worst thing is that we say things about ourselves we'd never day say to our friends/or even enemies...how is that normal!? xo, Biana -BlovedBoston
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! Love the pictures. Something I love about myself- blue eyes! Also, I just ordered a bible study from amazon it's called He is my freedom: Living the promise of a changed life. You should check it out. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're SO right about all this. It was funny, as you soon as you started saying those things about yourself I was like KAYLA STOP IT YOU ARE WONDERFUL! And then I realized I hardly tell that to myself…when I was younger I legit used to avoid looking into mirrors.. like what?!! It makes me happy to think I've been able to grow from that and learn better. And it's a reminder like this that I need to continue to do that. One thing I love about myself is my giving heart. I love letting people know that I'm thinking of them, I'm here if they need me, and how special they are to me! And this of course includes you :) I love that we've gain a friendship through our comments and emails and I think when I visited it was even more solidified. I'm so glad to have you in my life! You make me laugh with our snap chats, I know you're there if I need anything, you provide encouragement, and it's just so nice knowing I have someone like you in my corner in this life :) LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeleteI am strong! I've been going to the gym and lifting weights and while weight isn't coming off of my body (due to some other health stuff), weight is going on the bar! I'm strong and can tell how strong I'm getting each day at the gym. :)
ReplyDeleteI love my sense of humor. Sometimes it's awkward and a little too sarcastic, but for the most part I love making people laugh and laughing at myself!
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, it's not that I could hardly believe what you were saying... It was more, like, Ugh, I just don't want you to feel like this about yourself. We are here, not to judge others, nor compare our differences, but, as you said, lift each other up! That is what we owe each other, and most definitely ourselves. You have stated this so beautifully. I am so proud of you and the special kindness that emanates from your heart! You are golden, My Precious and Momma loves you :)
ReplyDeletethis post is everything. you are such a beautiful soul, kayla. i am so quick to critique my appearance in pictures {sometimes out loud, sometimes to myself}. it's something i am trying to get better about.
ReplyDeletewouldn't life be so boring if we were all perfect?? i love the little "quirks" about my friends... scars or dimples on their face, the gap between my husband's teeth, etc. but often hate my own! i love that i have a giving heart and nurturing spirit.