Thursday, February 6, 2014

Why we aren't ready for kids just yet.

It astounds me that so many people ask newly married young adults when they are having kids.
It really hit me though when someone from church asked us right after our honeymoon, and Caleb and I each had different answers.
Wowza. That was awkward.
With one of our favorite little gals, miss Nora. She's famous in this ole blog.
We've since then had many serious conversations about this. It also seems that God is tempting us with all these newborns at church, babysitting our favorite little gal up there, and all these adorable baby link ups that everyone and their sisters partake in on the blog world.

One thing is for sure. Caleb and I want kids, very, very badly. But, if we have anything to do with it, we want a few years to ourselves, just the two of us, to enjoy before we have to devote time to another human being besides each other. I often get what we like to call "baby fever", but have to step back and remember...we both have so much time. I'm only 22 years old, Caleb only 25. We are just starting our lives together, and have plenty of time to make those bigger decisions down the road.

For now, I'm happy without changing diapers, sleepless nights, and my bank account being drained on account of the adorable baby clothes at Target down the road.

One thing is for sure though, if we are blessed enough to have our own children, those babies will be so loved. I get so happy just with the thought of my Caleb becoming a daddy! I mean, look at him up there. As cheesy as it is, it almost brings me to tears when I see how amazing he is with children. I remember when we first started dating... my aunt told me I was never allowed to break up with him, because my young cousins would never forgive me. It cracks me up looking back, and I guess I never realized how blessed I am to have such an amazing husband that I know our children will look up too like crazy.


I just hope I can be as good of a momma as he will be a father! That's a scary thought!
How do you current momma's out there do it!? You all amaze me. Am I the only one terrified to be a momma one day!?

30 comments:

  1. oh thank you for being honest and saying that while babies are great you need to enjoy married life together. we are a few years older than you and while we've not had to deal with that question in a serious manor I find it rude of people to ask! my mom and I had this discussion last night and she said that neither sets of my grandparents ever asked them that question and my grandmother has made it quite clear to others that have asked her about becoming a great-grandmother that the choice is up to us and she is happy with whatever we decide. Children change everything and I'm not ready to give up my newlywed life for that just yet!

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  2. I have always always wanted to be a mom more than anything else and when we got married and that could "actually" become a reality it was terrifying! It is so scary to think! And also so incredibly exciting :) (but mostly scary right now) love your honesty and couldn't agree more. Once children come it is never just the two of you again. I want to relish in this stage for awhile!

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  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this great post, Kayla!! You took the words right out of my mouth. I used to say I had baby fever that came in waves, OFTEN, but then I realized it's usually just Pregnancy Fever - gotta remember that that ends in actual parenthood and a baby for.ev.er, so I have to nip it in the bud real quick! ;) But you're so smart about it already, knowing that it's worth waiting until both of you are ready and you've thoroughly enjoyed newlywed life, soaking in that time alone for just the two of you, before adding something else to the mix!

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  4. My husband and I were married at 26 and 25. We were married for just over two years when our oldest arrived. For us, having that 18 months before we had children was a precious time. We pretty much could do what we wanted, when we wanted to. We were able to get used to living with each other. It was fun, and hard, but mostly fun, and we loved it. Now that we have 3 children, our life looks so much different than it used to. I love it, just as much as I loved my pre-kiddos life.
    No one but you and Caleb needs to worry about "the baby timeline". Enjoy your pre-baby days!

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  5. Girl, I am the same way! Such an honest post, too... love that! My husband and I are 26 & 25, and we plan on having a good 5 years together first before children for the same reasons that you are choosing to wait. But, don't you just love the people who ask you about when you will have children?? We got asked at our RECEPTION! Our wedding reception!

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  6. Maybe I'm just a hopeful romantic but its so true watching a guy play with kids you can size up everything about him (well almost). Ya got time, but when that time comes they will be super cuties! we all know it. For now, explore and enjoy life!!!!

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  7. I love this post. When I was pregnant with my son people would ask us when we were going to have another baby and I would have panic attacks haha! I think it's TOTALLY normal being nervous about becoming a momma. Whenever that time is you and Caleb will be AMAZING parents. Enjoy your pre baby days where you don't have to rush because your babies on a schedule or you can sleep in EVERY day of the weekend if you choose to. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a momma, but it's definitely no walk in the park. :D

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  8. Girrrl... I hear you on this one! Wait! Wait! Wait! ;) Tim and I have been married for 5 and 1/2 years and still don't have kids. We've been able to do SO much together...pay down debt, finish college degrees and travel extensively. I've absolutely loved it. (Last night we were up until 2am watching movies...we didn't sit down for dinner until 9:45...haha). It's also been good for our marriage. I am so much more confident talking about my dreams and solving conflicts with Tim than I ever was 5 years ago. My dream is to become a mom, but it just hasn't been "in the cards" for us yet, and I'm finding my peace with that (and totally enjoying it). :)

    My biggest pet peeve is when people ask about babies. I've had friends who have needed over 3+ years to get pregnant and others who have suffered miscarriages. Those questions, while asked with good intentions can be hurtful. I never mind talking about it with close family/friends, but it is so awkward when people I don't know ask. Church is the worst. The other day, a lady told me it was "time for us to start having kids," and I literally shrugged and RAN. Haha...

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  9. It is absolutely no one's decision/business but your own! It really does amaze me how forward people can be when asking when someone wants kids... when they don't even know you well at all! Enjoy this time girl, there is no rush!! :)

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  10. I think the "right time" is different for every couple when it comes to having children, and I think the most important thing is REALIZING when the "right time" is for you and your spouse. I know that when Derek and I get married we want a few years of alone time before there are little ones around (of course he wants just a few more years than me, but we'll work that out). I think it is pretty rude when people ask when you plan on having kids, it is such a personal question, almost as personal and essentially asking abou your sex life!

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  11. enjoy that newlywed life! austin and i are 3.5 years into marriage and kids probably won't be joining the picture for at least another year or so! i used to get so irritated when people would ask when we were having kids, right after we got married. i started telling people never just so they'd back off. also, i am with you – i'm totally 110% terrified to be a mom.

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  12. What a great post! I enjoyed reading the other comments as well! Since I have no experience in this yet, I'll say that Sarah and Ryan have been married almost 4 years and are still waiting on kiddos! Each couple knows when they're ready and you guys will be amazing parents when it's your time :) I don't know why people are so forward with such personal information?!?

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  13. There is no rush! I got married in my later 20s and we've only been married 3 years but we enjoy "our" time. I'm not going to have a baby just because my friends are having them. We will have one when we are ready :)

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  14. yes and yes. Christian want to wait about 5 years to have kids, at least! Yet, we're not even married and people have asked about kids... like, really?? Let us get married and enjoy being married first!!

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  15. Great post! I agree with you ... there is no rush ... Enjoy your time!

    Margaret
    http://www.decordesireforbeauty.com/blog.html

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  16. Thank you for this! My husband and I are 26 and 27 and have been married for almost 4 years...and we have zero plans to have kids before we're at least 30, if ever. Not only are we definitely not ready to have kids, we aren't even ready to make a decision about whether or not we will have them! We have so many things going on right now, and so many things we want to do first, that it's not even something we will even consider for several more years. That seems perfectly normal to us, but people look at us like we each have 3 heads when we say that.

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  17. I was always the girl who was ready for babies "like, yesterday." I truly believed for years that *all* I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a mom! Even when we got married I was horrified at the idea of waiting more than a year before we started trying. Now...I'm totally the one putting on the brakes!! I LOVE being married and I love spending time with my husband, just the two of us. I am so enjoying being a wife, and knowing that there will be time to be a mom later on. My prayers have changed to something like, "God, I'll do whatever you want, but if you'd like to consider my input how about we hold off on kids for 4 or 5 years..." It is *hard* to keep just the two of us fed and in clean clothes and a somewhat clean house, so yes I also find it terrifying to think about adding a few little ones to the mix!

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  18. You are reading my mind lady! I may be a few years older, but you need that time to be married for sure!! If God allows, we don't want to start trying for another 4 or so years!! We want us time, bank account build up time and travel time :) It is INSANE how many people ask when we are having children. My go to line has always been- I have one with four legs and she's perfect :) Our families even bring up the pressure occasionally and I try so hard to laugh it off. Good for yall for standing up for yourselves! I think this is a huge challenge for younger couples as well as newlyweds of any age! We gotta stick together ;) BUT the day all of our blogs turn into baby blogs will be a hilarious day you have to admit! :)

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  19. i agree, you need time for yourselves, to just be married. i think everyone is different and you have to do what's right for you!

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  20. I could not love this any more. I have baby fever out the wazoo, but it's not that time for us. We need time to build the savings back up (and push my anxiety back down) and travel. If something happened and we had one, we would be FINE, but it's not time yet for that (in my mind!). Also sometimes when people ask me that I want to shock them and say something like "kids? oh I hate them." Noneyabidnessss!

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  21. It really is great to have a few years just for yourselves. But yes...the baby fever is bad isn't it?? (especially at church...why is that?!)

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  22. Sounds perfect!! My husband and I were married for 8 years before having our baby and we loved those years of alone time. We traveled and had so much fun together. We had several friends tell us that they wished they had done more and had more alone time before having kids. We wouldn't change our timeline for the world. We're so thankful to be parents now and we felt really ready when we were blessed with our little girl. Now we're looking forward to having fun with our family of three.

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  23. I think people just love babies like we do and want to see two precious people create a little precious baby. But I so agree, it will happen when it should. Michael and I would love another year together but it's a plan that is bigger than the two of us so we are just here, enjoy the ride along the way.

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  24. You two just take your sweet old time, ;)

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  25. I think it's totally smart to wait..we did things backwards and I had my first when I was just 15. Yeah. REAL LIFE TEAM MOM OVER HERE! It's not the way I would have planned things but I got lucky and it worked for us. Ever seen that show Reba? Totally my life. We even lived with my Mom. haha.. anyway, we waited until we were married, had the house bought and paid for and had everything else in line before throwing in baby #2. I'm so happy it worked out that way for us. Enjoy this time together! I do think people have this assumption that once you have kids your life stops. I don't feel that way at all, mostly because my kids are my life. But thanks to our awesome family, we have weekly date nights and go on a weekend vacation ALONE at least once a year. Not everyone is so lucky, so I think that makes things easier for us being young parents!

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  26. I'm excited to be back blogging again and having time to read my favs :)

    My hubby and I were both 23 when we got married and had Kyla when I was 28. Granted, it took 2 years to get pregnant, but we still took a few years for ourselves - did some traveling, but mostly just enjoyed our time together. Enjoyed going out with our friends whenever we wanted, sleeping in, and all the other things that are very hard to come by once you have little ones. They are so worth it though. But I love your post - we felt the same way!

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  27. I love this, I think people jump from marriage to parenthood quite quickly... ahem.. me for example. KC and I weren't even married when I got pregnant with Wyatt, I cannot begin to tell you how much that embarrasses me now that I'm building a better relationship with The Lord. I LOVE being a mom but I'm 22 years old, I could have definitely waited YEARS before entering parenthood. Enjoy this time together with just the two of you!

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  28. Enjoy your time!!!!! My first husband and I had talked about having kids, but never pulled the trigger. I'm so glad we didn't because I couldn't imagine having kids before now, and I'm 27... that was 5 years ago. Travel!!!!! Travel as much as possible to all the places you wouldn't want to bring a kid. And pay off some debt. Spend money on yourselves. And enjoy as many date nights as possible!

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  29. I'm TERRIFIED to have a baby. haha. But seriously. My husband's got some baby fever like madness, though, so we'll see ;)

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  30. I'm good without right now. ;-) Take your time as you want to and everything will fall into place!

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Thanks for your comments, I read and respond to every single one of them! :) Excited to get to know you!