Thursday, November 21, 2013

My silly little meltdown.

Can I be honest here for a hot second?
When Caleb and I got engaged...I remember so many things flashing through my mind that next week before we really started to plan. I kind of just assumed the title of "wife" came with great cooking skills, organizational skills, and planning skills beyond belief. I figured I'd have an adorable apartment made with DIY-faux Anthropologie decor, and I honestly assumed I would be able to prepare meals for my husband at LEAST 4 nights a week, keep a clean house, and manage an awesome social calendar.

Boy was I wrong.
Some of you may have seen my tweet asking for good vibes to be sent my way on Monday evening. After we went to the gym, Caleb casually asked "what meat did you lay out to thaw for dinner?" -- oh....I didn't...? To which he kindly replied I needed to start remembering in the mornings before I leave for work...which is 100% true. I truly do, but for some stupid reason it was more than that to me...we got home, I stormed in, hardly holding the door open for him just to get a second alone so I could cry.

I know, I'm pathetic, but please hang in there.
I cried because we've been married nearly six months and I've actually PREPPED and cooked two meals (frozen dinners don't count). I looked around and our apartment was a filthy mess, clothes were everywhere, empty glasses still on the table, nearly empty fridge, and the sink full of dishes. Why don't I have the time I thought I would?! Why can't I cook like my grandma can?! Why can't the laundry do itself?!

WHY WHY WHY?!
Then it hit me...when Caleb was holding me while I cried in our tiny little kitchen...I was doing the exact thing I always tell myself  not too; letting comparison steal my joy.

I was letting the adorable DIYers I follow on Instagram who can sand and paint an old antique dresser all by herself, steal my joy. I was letting the stay at home mom who packs perfect little lunches for her kiddos, steal my joy. I was allowing the fitness guru with the perfect body, to steal my joy.

I really had to step back and realize that sometimes, people only post the good moments, and we expect that our lives should be that way, too. We think that because she can cook perfect, I must learn how. Oh she has the cutest clothes, how can she afford that? I guess I need to work harder. I need to remember that I was made the way I am for a purpose. I may not be the next Top Chef, but I'm learning. Yeah, maybe I just made my very first grilled cheese last week...but I was dang proud of myself. One day, I will be the great cook I know I can be...but for now, I'm fine with being mediocre, and I'm fine with asking my grandma questions about what the difference between margarine and butter, and I'm fine with learning and soaking in all I can for now. I'll get there one day.

We must remember that we cannot compare our entire diaries to someone else's highlight reel.

We are all UNIQUELY made. We all have our own quirks. Who knows? Maybe someone looks at YOUR life and wishes they had your skills, or your situation. We all have a purpose. Do not compare yourself to others around you. You are made to be YOU, not anybody else.

33 comments:

  1. "...we cannot compare our entire diaries to someone else's highlight reel" YES. THank you. Needed this today!

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  2. RIGHT ON, Kayla. Boy do I struggle with this, too. But Alex constantly tell me things along the lines of "You can't compare what you've been doing for 3 months to what someone has been doing for 30+ years". You certainly cannot compare cooking to your grandma (or me compare myself to my mother).. it takes time to learn!

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  3. I feel like I could write a book about this! Over the years, I've come up with a little mantra for myself when I start doing the comparison thing and thinking "why can't that be me?!". The little voice in my head responds "because it's not supposed to be!". Just like you said, you are made to be you and only you!

    Also, I have no idea what the difference is between margarine and butter! :)

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  4. Comparison is the thief of joy - remember that! Just because someone appears perfect on the outside, doesn't neccesarily mean they are! You are still in the beginning of your marriage, and you and your husband will learn and grow together to find out what works for the two of you. Hang in there, you're a beautiful person - whether you see it or not!

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  5. LOVE YOU!!!! :) Comparison is NEVER the answer.

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  6. Oh girl - 1. I cannot TELL you how many times I push the piles of crap out of the way before I take a picture so that it LOOKS clean, when in all reality, it looks like our dryer threw up in our bedroom, we just fed a football team by the looks of the dirty dishes in the sink, and I spend about 15 minutes trying to figure out what in the WORLD that smell is before I realize that the trash REALLY needs to go out. 2. (Well, now I can't really remember what 2. was, but...) I am the QUEEN at not laying out dinner OR cooking it. But our husbands love us anyway, lol.

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  7. OH how I love this. Since we moved in together, I've done the same thing. So many great ideas to cook and keep everything clean, etc and right now there are clothes everyyyyywhere in the bedroom, dishes on the counter and our fridge pretty much only has drinks in it.. It's so hard to stay positive when you feel like you're failing but THIS is exactly what I needed to hear! Chin up, pretty girl, we can totally do this!!

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  8. Comparison is an evil little thing!! It's so hard not to see what someone else does and wonder why you can't do the same thing. But you're right- we're all unique, we all have our quirks. And you're an amazing wife who is learning! So don't compare yourself and just keep on trucking :)

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  9. I just want to hug you right now!!!!

    it really sucks we always are comparing ourselves to others. In the technology world we live in it is so hard not to. While one may be the best cook, most awesome DIY-er, etc. We all have those things we are great at. Once you have kids, your house will only get messier and more things will get pushed to the side but I feel better to have a house the is lived in that a magazine perfect house.

    you are amazing! keep your head up. Caleb loves you for you and that is why he chose you!

    xoxo

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  10. Why can't you cook like grandma? Because she's been doing it for decades! Of course you know all this, and it's OK to have that meltdown once in a while but yes, always remember that comparisons are evil and unnecessary. ;)

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  11. so true, i am not the best at remembering things but what you are good at is probably what the person you are comparing to is bad at! we all do have our own strengths :)

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  12. Let's please talk about how hard it is to remember to take out the meat to thaw. I have that problem weekly. Comparison is yucky and you just keep doin' you girl! :) Have a wonderful day!

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  13. Boo bear! That is so funny. Tyler was telling me the other day that I try too hard to "keep up with the joneses". It's so difficult not to compare yourself to others. If it makes you feel any better, I'm so jealous that you have the energy to workout! I SO wish I could do that!!! You're awesome and you KNOW it!!!!!!!!

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  14. The diary and highlight reel line? So very perfect and so very true. I was considering blogging about this same topic tonight. Sometimes, I feel so alienated by the blogging world because everyone is a gorgeous, married, 20-something (with or without kids) with thousands of followers who can cook, post a workout plan, and share pictures of her latest DIY project or outfit. I am so far from being that person (and oddly enough, I don't even want to be that person), but it makes me feel unworthy to be blogging. BUT NOT ANYMORE! Thanks for the post. I needed it!

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  15. That is so true. I'm me and there is no changing me. I can't really cook. I'm not crafty but my husband loves me for me.

    http://innerworkingsofthefemalemind.wordpress.com/

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  16. This is a great post Kayla! Just so you know, I look at you as one of those adorable bloggers that I wish I could catch up to and act like!

    -Christi

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  17. Oh girl- I relate 100% and you are right... I don't show the crazy moments or you don't see that I beg my husband to cook and/or do the dishes before buckling two days later and doing them... you don't see the fact I go a month without doing laundry OR that I have a rule you can't take a picture of my house unless I say it's ok due to the fact it's not at "picture" standards :) We totally all only show the "good side" and that's not reality!! Your life is amazing and you have the perfect uplifting guy for you from what I can tell :) Enjoy life!!!! I look at instagram like you do as well though!!! :) It get's ya! ha

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  18. i love love love your inspiration and optimistic posts!! i rarely am the cook at our house and sometimes i feel soo bad but then i remember austin knew that and my other little "behaviors" before marrying me and he accepts me as i am, so it doesn't really matter if i'm not the best cook, or that i only do laundry once a month. i usually think, if it's not bothering austin, who cares? austin's is really the only opinion i care about, but i love your "letting it steal your joy" phrase- i need to start thinking about things from that perspective too!

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  19. I love your honesty in this and it will get better and easier!! One day at a time!

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  20. All of those things will come to you in time. As you said, you are 6 months in, do not be hard on yourself expecting to be the "perfect" wife and homemaker, whatever the heck a perfect wife and homemaker even is. It's okay and you are already doing a wonderful job! ♥

    I tagged you in my post today, sweet girl!

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  21. I know how you feel! It took me a while to start enjoying the cooking process but I have learned so much by just doing it! The more you do it the more you will enjoy it! I have been married a little over two years and I am just now getting used to cooking :) Love this post!

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  22. Ahhh THIS post. Yes and yes. Love love love it and you friend. Someone told me that "comparison is the thief of joy" which is so right. I am such a comparer. What are these couples up to? What lens should I have for my camera. What do I need to do to be better. But I love the last line...it's our entries to someone's main events. Great post to help me remember.

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  23. Love this. That line about letting someone else's highlight reel ruin things. I have to remind myself of that all the time. So true. Working from home has allowed me to do a little more around the house and I love it, but I still don't understand how these people are able to accomplish so much while working full time and having fun in their lives. It's crazy.

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  24. I loved reading this post! Thanks for opening up and sharing. I am totally guilty of comparison. What you said about comparing ourselves to others' highlights is beyond true. I teach my students about how valuable it is for us all to have different strengths... and it's so true for adults to remember, too!

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  25. This is exactly how I felt when I was posting about my Christmas tree. Seriously had a break down (it was short, but it was real lol) because I didn't think our freaking CHRISTMAS TREE was good enough. Issues. You are so right- it is so easy to get caught up in other people's lives and compare. This is a great reminder!!

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  26. Awwwww. Loved this post. I'm guilty of this daily!!!

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  27. Love this post and I am completely guilty of the same thing! It's so easy to get caught up in other people's lives and forget about the joy we have in our own. Your husband loves you no matter what and would never trade you in for someone "more perfect" because to him, you are THE perfect woman for him. Part of the fun of being married is growing and learning together and making the memories. Thanks for the great reminder!!

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  28. Oh my goodness Kayla this post is perfect. We have been married for a year and a half and I still have silly breakdowns periodically (more often than I'd like to admit) over things exactly like this. We as women want to be the perfect wife and want everything to always be in its place and be put together, but it's not always going to be that way. Especially when you (and I) are still getting used to the routine of living with your husband! It's a big adjustment and a hard routine to create.

    Anyways, thank you for this post. It's great to know I'm not alone!

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  29. I sucked with this so much when we first got married. It was a source of contention for us because ihad no idea how to/no desire to cook, but Hal expected me to be the perfect housewife. Over the years both of those things have changed and we realized that if er want a clean house and home cooked meals 100% takes both of us. So now we take turns cooking and cleaning and do chores the other one hates. Its hard sometimes to not feel like the perfect housewife, but really there is no perfect housewife, and you just have to find the medium that works for your relationship. Maybe if Caleb remembers to pull the meat out and you forget that can be his job. Little things like that can make a big difference.

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  30. I struggle with all of this all the time - my mom and sister have been amazing wives who cook gourmet dinners at least 5 nights a week (my sis even makes here own bread!) and I'm known as the one who doesn't cook and leaves piles of laundry in the kitchen. I've struggled to realize I've just prioritized my life differently, and I'm ok with that. I totally know how to cook and when I do it turns out pretty darn good! Other things are just at the top of my list - like grabbing a drink with friends after work, snuggling on the couch a little longer, or setting time aside for date night out so no one has to do the dishes - the laundry will still be there and I have the rest of my life to perfect gourmet cooking. As long as you and your hubby are on the same page with what's most important to you, life doesn't have to look like some one else's perfect instagram feed ;) As always, thanks for being so open and sharing!

    Tiffany

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  31. I just adore you and your uplifting posts. You may not think this post is uplifting, but it is. Sometimes your blog posts are in sync with Joel's sermons on Sunday mornings (yes we DVR them and watch them - judge if you must) but he talks about how we should let people steal our joy and by golly you just preached about it too! Love you! Comparing ourselves to others makes us human but it's so wrong, we're belittling ourselves and giving our joy away to be envious of others. It made my heart happy when you said that you realized Caleb was holding you and letting you cry in your little kitchen because life is about the NOW and the people that truly love and care for us. Caleb is your biggest supporter and having the knowledge that you will forever have someone, your spouse, your love, your husband just makes my heart happy. End cheesy happy rant. ;)

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  32. First of all, the difference between margarine and butter is what exactly?! & I love that last line!

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Thanks for your comments, I read and respond to every single one of them! :) Excited to get to know you!