It's no ones fault but my own.

I mentioned yesterday in my random-filled post that I had a silly little meltdown over practically nothing. I think it was just a ton of little things that had piled up in my brain and when Caleb and I started talking about something I didn't want to talk about I just. blew. up. I'm talking, ugly cry, knees-bent, hands-in-face cry right there on the bathroom floor.

If that sounds like I just described a 4 year old, then you'd probably be right...except it was me. Even though I was being extremely ridiculous, Caleb let me cry (because lets be real, sometimes a girl just needs to vent and let it all out for whatever reason). Not only did he let me cry, he held me, gave me the perfect little pep talk (which was exactly what I needed to hear), and completely shifted my perspective on my day-to-day routine. He said "maybe you should change your attitude"... and while my first reaction was to be upset and yell at him for the comment, I thought for a second first, and realized he was right. I needed to shift my perspective. I heard God saying to me... listen Kayla, be thankful for what you have. The busy stuff is a blessing, too, even when you don't feel that way.

The ultimate root of my silly meltdown? I'm almost positive its that I don't give myself enough 'me time' to enjoy things that I love on my own...usually when I get in a night to myself? I'm spending it eating a cheap dinner, and editing photos for 4 hours at a time. Don't get me wrong, I love a quick drive thru meal and editing beautiful photos...but that still includes doing something for someone else, and I need to figure out a better schedule to keep my stress levels lower.

I think as women (or anyone with a family and/or a job that you care about), sometimes we do our best to make sure everything is done for everyone else, making sure your family is happy, your home is clean, and a good dinner was prepared for your husband. While that's all very true to some of us and those are all good things, its good to be a little selfish sometimes and say forget it. The laundry can wait, the editing can wait, and you can order take out for yourself....and sometimes? A bubble bath is in order.

I found myself emailing a few friends about how stressed I've been, will be, etc. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of my day to day life. I keep saying "I can't wait to find time to finish that book", or "maybe tonight I can squeeze in a phone call with my friends?", when I ultimately know none of those things would get done. Then I face the realization that its NO ONE'S FAULT but my OWN for not making time for myself a priority. Sure, I'm extremely busy most of the time...rushing from an office job, to Starbucks to meet with a bride, to back home to edit, workout, and make dinner... but you know what? I think its silly sometimes, rushing around like that. Everyone needs time for themselves. I truly believe that taking time to do things that you love makes you want to be better in every aspect of life.

After my 20 minute bubble bath last night (thanks Er, for the amazing Disney princess version!!), I felt happy. Not that I don't normally feel happy on other evenings, but I think I was proud of myself...for finally MAKING the time.

Oh, and another random thing? I'm sick of the fact that I'm not a morning person...I've always wanted to be that girl who wakes up in PLENTY of time to write a blog post, make hot chocolate, go for a run and maybe even pack her own lunch ALL before her 8am commute. I can't even fathom that kind of morning routine...but I'm determined to get there soon. No one is stopping me, but myself.

So ladies? I dare you to take a bubble bath tonight...finish that book, write in your journal, spend extra time doing something you love, and watch the difference in yourself unfold.