Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Gone to soon.

My grandparent's at a younger age. 
Monday evening was supposed to be normal for me. Go home, eat dinner with Caleb, go for a nice, long run...and sleep. Monday was not supposed to be the night I went to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandpa. He was supposed to go home, and into hospice care...but the doctors wouldn't release him. He was going downhill, and fast.

Thankfully on Friday, my uncle got to go and spend a little time with him. They hadn't talked much anymore, so this was pretty awesome. They talked about the fun memories from when my uncle was just a boy. My Grandpa also found out that my mom would be flying in Tuesday evening to see him and take care of him at home (she's a nurse) for the week...my uncle said his face just lit up and he even gave a few fist pumps in the air. He was so excited to see his daughter. I hadn't planned to see him until Tuesday, and even then, I thought he'd have a few more days left.

In a matter of two days, his body began quickly deteriorating. His face sunk, and suddenly, he couldn't speak, or move. I thought I could hold it together...but when I saw him I just sat with him and cried for hours, holding his still hands.

Although he couldn't blink, he stared up at the ceiling, and I held in front of his eyes the bracelet he gifted me at my graduation. Engraved on it said "Love, Grandpa Phil". This is something I'll forever treasure, and I know he was smiling in his own way when he saw it.


Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Caleb prayed over us and also gave me a few minutes to be alone with him, after the hours of being with every visitor in the room. I said a lot to him in those moments, and it broke my heart that he couldn't respond in any way...but I just know that he heard me.


3 hours after we left the hospital, I got a call that my Grandpa had taken his last breath. I sat in bed and just wept. I can't thank my husband enough for fighting through his tired eyes and just holding me through this. My mom, unfortunately, wasn't able to make it in time. But the fact that he knew she tried to make it home in time, is peace enough for my heart. The next few days will be spent in tears, and we'll be grieving the loss of my Grandpa Phil. I hope to see him again someday.

Please keep my grandpa's wife, Carolyn, in your prayers. She's got to be one of the strongest women I've met before.Your happy thoughts for all involved mean more than you'll know. Thank you so much!

31 comments:

  1. Oh, girl! I am SO sorry!! You're in my thoughts & prayers!!

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  2. i am so sorry kayla. I am more of a "behind the scences" blog reader and dont comment much but this post really spoke to me. I just lost my grandfather this weekend and I too got the chance to say goodbye so I can relate to the heartache and the hurt. much love and many prayers to you and your family during this time

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  3. My thoughts and condolences, Kayla. So sorry to hear the news.

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  4. I am so sorry for your loss, Kayla. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts, sweet girl.

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss Kayla. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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  6. I'm so sorry for your loss Kayla. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Memories with grandpas are truly one of a kind. That bracelet and that message is such a treasure! Love you!!!

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  7. Prayers to your and your family, very sorry for your loss. It was 4 years ago Sunday that I lost my grandfather but we are lucky to have them as long as we did :)

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  8. :( I'm sorry and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I'm sending you good vibes and someday you will be able to look back on all your memories with him and smile.

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  9. Kayla I know words don't mean much and can't ever fill the void in your heart at the loss of your grandpa. Losing anyone is hard, but nothing can replace a grandparent. I am thinking about and praying for peace for you and your family.

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  10. Although I'm new to your space I want to tell you how beautiful this post is. I'm an oncology nurse and love working with our hospice patients. I can tell you 100% that he heard every word you were saying. and that he loves that you were able to just hold his hands during that time. Even though your mom wasn't able to make it, his heart was at peace because he knew the love his family had for him. Thinking of you and your family at this time. Sounds like he was an amazing man! <3

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  11. I am praying for you all Kayla. Just know that.

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  12. so sorry for your loss sweet girl. you're in my thoughts.

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  13. Having just lost two grandparents in two weeks, I know how much the heart can grieve over loved ones. But you will always have the memories of his presence in your life and his love will continue to shine through you.

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  14. kayla, i am so sorry for your loss. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  15. I'm so sorry sweet girl.. I will be praying for you and your family

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  16. Oh, Kayla. I am so very sorry for your loss. How wonderful, though, that he had so much love surrounding him as he went and that you were able to spend that time with him and say your goodbyes. I can imagine that that would have brought him so much peace. I'll be thinking of you & your family.

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  17. Praying for your family lady. I'm so glad he was about to spend his last hours with all of his loved one and God was there to welcome him with all the peace of his own heart and your families!

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  18. Oh kayla, I'm so sorry! my grandpa passed right before christmas--and it was me that was just a day too late to say goodbye. I know how you're feeling. one of the things I heard that helped the pain was, "To take sorrow out of death would be to take love out of life." Aren't you so glad you had such a wonderful grandpa to love? I'm praying for you and your family! xoxo

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  19. I'm so happy you made it in time to say goodbye! Thinking of you my dear.

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  20. I'm sorry sweetheart. <3 it looks to me like you have his eyes!

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  21. Continuing to pray for you and your family, sweet girl! Romans 15:13

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  22. I'm so sorry that you lost your grandfather. It is so hard to lose wonderful people that are close to us, but it's so wonderful that you had such a great relationship with him.

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  23. Loss is so hard, but I'm so glad you were there with him to pray and comfort him. I know that had to mean the world. XOXO

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  24. Praying for you and your sweet family during this time. I know your grandpa is in a much better place watching over you.

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss and I am praying for you. We went through this with my Pop Pop and I got to hold his hands as he took his last breaths. It is so hard to lose someone you love so fast like that :-(

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  26. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family!

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  27. i am so sorry, kayla. losing a loved one is never easy, but i am so glad that you were able to have that time with him and tell him goodbye. praying for your family right now!!

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  28. So sorry to hear this. Jordan and I both lost a grandparent in the same year in 2011 (his grandpa in March and mine in December). It's really hard for sure. I still miss my grandma!

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Thanks for your comments, I read and respond to every single one of them! :) Excited to get to know you!