My husband recently told me something that's been bothering him lately, something that I've been doing...and instead of being a good wife, and listening...I immediately got defensive, put up my guard and began to cry. Yeah, sometimes I'm 7 years old.
What was it he was just so bothered over?
My cell phone...and not just that I'm using it...but how often I use it.
He claimed that every time we get in the car, or watch TV, or anything really, its like a habit, I take my phone out of my pocket and search my endless social media feeds. I still speak, or laugh, or whatever is appropriate, but with few words and I look dis-interested. I got so defensive when he approached me about it, but I think its because I knew I was in the wrong.
Now don't get me wrong...I don't think smart phones are bad. Heck, I have every social media app known to mankind. I just think as a society we all need to step back when we're with others and focus more on being present. It's so easy to talk/listen to someone and search our phones at the same time. I know how irritating it can be when friends do it, so why did I think I was any exception to this rule when it came to alone time with my husband?
As a kid, I grew up with very little technology. The most I was exposed too was a weekly episode of Barney on VHS! I actually went outside and played make believe games with my friends, and I'd like to think I had a pretty great childhood. It makes me sick when I see parents who let their children have their phones for hours on end...and then I think, well, isn't that kind of what I'm doing to myself now?
So I started thinking... I should set some guidelines for myself. When Caleb and I eat dinner, my phone doesn't come with me to the table. When we decide to turn on a movie, my phone stays in the bedroom...and when we decide to have a long conversation, I don't need to be double tapping all my bestie's IG pictures from that day. Sure, its fine to have my phone here and there in front of my husband, but for the most part, I just want to be with him. I want to be PRESENT. I hadn't realized how selfish I was being. I wasn't giving him my full attention, and that isn't fair at all. I think the point of writing this post was for me to be more aware of how dependent I am on it....and I really don't like that feeling.
So, here's to new beginnings.
Now don't get me wrong...I don't think smart phones are bad. Heck, I have every social media app known to mankind. I just think as a society we all need to step back when we're with others and focus more on being present. It's so easy to talk/listen to someone and search our phones at the same time. I know how irritating it can be when friends do it, so why did I think I was any exception to this rule when it came to alone time with my husband?
As a kid, I grew up with very little technology. The most I was exposed too was a weekly episode of Barney on VHS! I actually went outside and played make believe games with my friends, and I'd like to think I had a pretty great childhood. It makes me sick when I see parents who let their children have their phones for hours on end...and then I think, well, isn't that kind of what I'm doing to myself now?
So I started thinking... I should set some guidelines for myself. When Caleb and I eat dinner, my phone doesn't come with me to the table. When we decide to turn on a movie, my phone stays in the bedroom...and when we decide to have a long conversation, I don't need to be double tapping all my bestie's IG pictures from that day. Sure, its fine to have my phone here and there in front of my husband, but for the most part, I just want to be with him. I want to be PRESENT. I hadn't realized how selfish I was being. I wasn't giving him my full attention, and that isn't fair at all. I think the point of writing this post was for me to be more aware of how dependent I am on it....and I really don't like that feeling.
So, here's to new beginnings.
I have to set guidelines with myself as well! On the weekends I try to keep my phone in the room as much as possible! I constantly go to my phone for entertainment when I could be socializing with my family. My ex had to confront me about the same thing. He actually would hid my phone one night until the end of our date was over! I was so embarrassed but it definitely was a wake up call for me!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you! I am in France now for the next few months so my cellular data is turned off which means I can only check my social media accounts when I'm on wifi - and that does not include my apartment. Only a random cafe or sometimes a friend's apartment do I have access to such things. The first couple of days were really hard but now I see how much I was relying on my phone to keep me entertained! It is nice when my roommate and I sit and talk to each other because there is no phone or internet to distract us. It also helps me spend more time focused on Jesus, which is always a good thing. Now my decision to not be online is not by choice, I was forced, but I hope when I return to the states I will still be less dependent on it. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMy husband needs to divorce his phone!!!!! He's always on it, and when he drives even, he's worried about what's going on on the phone so I end up driving 90% of the time.
ReplyDeleteI was doing the same thing in everyday life and now that you're aware of it, you will realize just how much of an annoyance it really is! At first it might be tough to create the new habit of not having it all the time, but you'll get to a point when you don't even care and half the time you don't even know where your phone is. Life is definitely out there in front of you... not down inside of that little phone! Great realization... you'll be so happy with the change!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! It is so hard to just put it away most of the time, but it drives me crazy when I am trying to have a conversation with someone and they are looking at their phone. Makes me feel un-important. But then I go home and do the same thing with my husband. Love the new goal!
ReplyDeleteI totally do this. It was my new years resolution (that I failed on day 1), but I really need to start. We have a no phone at the table rule, but I want to be better. My husband has told me the same thing before. It makes me feel bad, but I still can't help it some days.
ReplyDeleteUgh.....I can't stand people who are constantly on their phones. I'm actually pretty glad Caleb spoke up, because I can totally feel his pain! It's hard to eat dinner/hang out with someone who is always checking their phone....it makes you feel unimportant.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER...do you want to know CV's pet peeve about me??? It's that I never know where my phone is!! hahaha. He will call/text/everything and my phone is never around me. I just hate relying on it and try to be present....but that sometimes means that people can't get ahold of me! oops!! :)
Glad you're making the change...paying attention to the ole hubby is much more fun, trust me! :)
Freddie has definitely had this talk with me and I definitely got defensive, too! I've been trying so hard to just put it down. Sometimes I'm so good at leaving it behind, and other times I panic and wonder where my phone is. But being present and being together really is what life is all about. (even if it means when scary parts come on TV I can't "hide" behind my apps...;))
ReplyDeleteI definitely hear this, too. I've started making a conscious effort now (especially at meals and date nights) that I keep it under wraps. But, the same goes for him because he does a lot of working from home at all hours, so he's working on letting the non emergencies go until after dinner or whatever it may be that we're doing.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma really opened my eyes to how much I was on my phone, so I've really tried to cut back! & it's so good to know that I'm not the only one who turns into a 7 year old when I'm confronted with something. I'm am the biggest crier, it drives my dad nuts!
ReplyDeleteI seriously think sometimes we have the same life. This was an issue that Ryan brought up to me a few months ago. We now have a family rule: no phones in the car, during conversations and during shows or movies that we are watching together. Social media is so addicting! Husbands can be so right sometimes..grrr haha!
ReplyDeleteThis is probably a post that MOST people should read and take to heart. I know I did.
ReplyDeleteWe're all guilty of this...so you're not alone! I think it's so smart to have guidelines. I actually do that with my boys (you already know this)...where I only do social media when they're asleep...BUT I need to start doing this with Noel. You've inspired me!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a problem in ALL types of relationships I think! Marriages, friendships, and kids/parents too! We all just reply on our phones and being constantly 'entertained' way too much! We don't have phones at the dinner table, and we do our best if we're actually both sitting down to watch a movie TOGETHER, to not check phones!
ReplyDeleteAaron and I are both bad about this and we need to do better.
ReplyDeleteThis is VERY relatable!! And I'd get defensive at first too so you're not alone :) I'm glad he spoke up though and you guys had good communication about it - that's key! I promise my phone will only be out to take a million and one pictures of us when I visit!!
ReplyDeleteI am the SAME way. And the worst part? I know I'm doing it but I just can't stop. I think I need some kind of iPhone rehab!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this constantly with Michael and I hate it. He and I have both admitted that we are terrible about it. We make up excuses for why but it's time to just fix the issue.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean! I always get defensive when Will is upset about something! Woahhh guilt. I'm not too bad about my phone, but we can always make a conscious effort to be more present!
ReplyDeleteI def have that same state of mind. The boyfriend has approached me a couple time sin the past, but I was always just like yea whatever, you go on your phone too. This is why i no longer have facebook and have not had it for the past 2 years, beause it was such a burden. Oh you want to watch a movie? Ok. Let me let facebook know. It was horrible and I finally admitted to that too. Phones are still a problem and its too bad.
ReplyDeleteSo you’re looking to Sell Old Mobile for Cash? Once you’ve chosen which phone to sell, we’ll start a recycling process that means none of your phone goes to waste. Even you will be paid for your faulty mobile phones.
ReplyDelete